I get comments all the time saying, “I wish I had your confidence!” Or “Do you have any tips for body confidence?” It’s tough for me to answer in one sentence so I decided to dedicate one of my very first blog posts to this topic. I think back to who I was a few years back…actually, most of my life. I was so lost, I had no hobbies and didn’t know what I actually enjoyed to do. I believe that there are a lot of pieces to the self love/confidence puzzle . It isn’t something that I snap my fingers and magically *poof* happens, it is a process and something that I work on every day of my life. I narrowed it down to five steps that have helped me and maybe they will help you on your self love journey.
One thing I want to shout from a mountain top, you have to start here —> Love yourself as you are right in this very moment. It doesn’t matter if you think you should lose xx amount of lbs, or maybe you want your hair to grow out or you wish that you could be a size xx again. I’ve found that even when I lost the weight, changed my hair, wore a smaller size etc. I still did not like the person looking back at me. I was in a self hate spiral aka the first 30ish years of my life ( okay maybe not when I was a baby, but you get it.) Anytime I changed my body I just picked something new to hate about myself. I was NEVER good enough, I was NEVER satisfied with my appearance. I’ve learned that it has to start from within so, I started transitioning my thoughts and shut down the negativity. I switched my thoughts to finding new things I enjoy. I hope that you find this helpful, I know it’s hard to train our brains to think differently after being conditioned to hate our bodies but these things have helped me tremendously and I hope that If you are struggling they may help you too.
Here are my 5 steps that I still practice daily to help me with my self love:
STEP 1. Treat your body like you would treat a room in your house!
Hear me out, I know this may sound silly. Personally, I feel so much more comfortable in a room if it is clean, picked up and surrounded by things I love. My bedroom for example, I love it when I have fresh clean sheets, a cute cozy comforter and LOTS of pillows! I try to treat myself the same way. Even if I am staying home that day, I try to wake up, brush my teeth & hair then cleanse my face. I do that before I get a cup of coffee. (TBH sometimes coffee is needed first but I try!) I also make sure to throw on clean clothes that are comfortable and somewhat cute. While working from home it can be so easy to just walk around the house looking like a slob. I am so much more productive and feel better about myself if I wake up, put on some clean leggings and a fresh pair of CUTE undies. This is important!!! THROW OUT your ugly old grandma panties, throw out the ratty undies and the ones that are discolored or holey. Okay, maybe keep a couple pairs for when “Aunt Flo” visits if you must but only put them on then! Trust me on this, ugly undies are not helping you love your body when you look in the mirror. Cute undergarments are more for YOU than anyone else. Trust! Here are some of my fave cute but still comfy undies
On this same topic, I know if you are WFH right now or maybe just home with the kiddos you may be used to just grabbing those super comfy sweatpants that are at least 20 sizes too big and that oversized ratty tee. STOP what you are doing, next…. keep moving along. I find that grabbing a cute comfy pair of leggings or bike shorts and a clean top makes me feel 1000 times better for the day. Don’t get me wrong, I told y’all I am always a work in progress. Some days I roll out of bed and what ya see is what ya get. But, I can attest to how much better I feel about myself when I just take the time to put on some cute and comfy clothes.
STEP 2: FIND YOUR JOY
This has been one of the most important pieces in my self love journey. When I say find your joy, this is something you have to be able to give yourself. The key is to not rely on anyone else for this. You own this step and you own your joy. If we are relying on others to constantly bring us joy, we may be waiting a long time to find it. I talked briefly before about not knowing what I enjoyed a few years back. After I had my son it was like I had to figure out who the new me was. Pouring all my love and time into a little human made me forget who I was other than a mom. (Don’t get me wrong I will cherish those moments with my little man forever.) I literally had zero hobbies, nothing else to look forward to other than family. I needed something. I started playing around with makeup, watching tutorials and trying new techniques. Some days I came downstairs with bright purple lips, other times it was a dramatic fun eye look. I had no idea how to do a contour, trying to put on false lashes was traumatizing, I had never done my brows and didn’t know where to start. Moral of the story, I wasn’t great at it but I was spending some time on me, for me and it was so good for my heart. I kept at it, watching makeup tutorials, playing around and guess what? I kept getting better and better. It was something I started to look forward to everyday. During that process, I noticed my confidence was improving. Not just because I was putting on makeup. (yes, I am sure that helped) it was because I had a little outlet that I enjoyed and looked forward to.
Make up is now a part of my everyday life, linked some of my favorite everyday products below.
I know, I know.. I can hear your rolling your eyes at me. HA! This term is so overused, but this is key for me and my confidence. Self care isn’t all about spending hours primping and preening. It is more about taking a small amount of time everyday to take care of you! It can look so many ways such as, taking vitamins, exercising, shaving yo’ dang legs. Lol! If y’all have followed me on IG for any amount of time, you know I love me some skincare! It’s so much more than what it actually does for my skin, it is my time. 5-10 minutes every morning and night to set the tone of my day and then unwind. I think of my skincare routine as something I GET TO DO, not something I have to do. I put on some music or a good audio book and just go through my steps every day. Here is the kicker though, this is what makes the difference. Close your eyes and enjoy it. It’s so small yet such a huge game changer. When I close my eyes and gently massage my skincare into my face/neck it is so soothing, relaxes me and makes me feel loved. I am showing myself love. It’s also a great practice for the shower too, have you ever closed your eyes in the shower and given yourself a scalp massage? I use my scalp massager and gently go over my entire scalp while shampooing and it is literal heaven on earth! Moral of the story, self care comes in many forms. Find what works for you and actually take the time to enjoy it. It you want to know what I do for my skincare routine you can check my nighttime and daytime IG highlights where I talk through it.
All of my favorite skincare items (you can save 15% on Tula.com with code: TARYNTRULY
STEP 4: DO A CLEANSE
First, let’s clear this up, this is not a cleanse where you drink only liquid for a month and then have a piece of cheese when you feel like you might pass out (you will never hear any of that nonsense from me, I pinky promise!). This is a social media cleanse, it’s way better for you in so many ways! Every day that I scroll through social media I cleanse. On instagram it is as easy as hitting the unfollow button. If I see a post that makes me think I should change myself in anyway that is not personal growth I bless and release that person/account. Maybe I see something that is bringing negativity into my life, see ya…unfollow. On Facebook it’s more tricky for me, I use Facebook more for staying connected with friends and family across the country. So instead of unfriending that uncle that keeps sharing the worst articles about the world or your cousin slamming their political agenda in your face (you know the ones). I unfollow them on facebook so I don’t have to see them in my feed and they can no longer bring me down. I am still technically friends with them and maybe if they clean up their FB etiquette I will refollow their posts again someday. I have removed everything on social media that has made me feel less than, brought negativity to my mind, made me feel like I need to diet, change my appearance etc. Peace out negativity! I fill my social media with people that bring me joy, lift me up, inspire me, teach me and of course make me laugh. This is always a work in progress because I think we are always changing and so are others. this has been a big one that has helped me.
STEP 5: POSITIVE SELF TALK
The “old me” would look in the mirror and instantly pick a part my body. Focusing in on my bat wings, cellulite, love handles… you name it, I hated it about myself. The new me gives compliments, it was so hard at first and I had to literally put sticky notes on my mirror to help me. These notes were essentially daily affirmations about myself. When I looked at my arms, I thanked them for being strong enough to hold my baby, loved them for hugging my hubby, cherished them for helping me to do all the tasks throughout the day that I take for granted. I looked at my legs and thanks them for helping me stand up tall, for carrying me through all the ups and downs of life. My love handles and tummy grew a human, and yes, it’s squishy but ya know what I have never broken a dang bone and my squish is like my bubble wrap for life. Ha! It’s not easy to transition this mindset but this is a key step and I know you can do it. The other part to this… I know you are guilty of it, I am.
Your friend comes up to you and says “omg girl, you look so pretty today! Did you do something new with your hair?” The old me would say “ummm what? No way, have you seen these split ends? I haven’t washed it in a week.” The new me says “ thank you so much, that was so sweet of you to say”
That’s it! So easy, see the old me felt like I wasn’t worthy of love or admiration. My hubby for example would say “you look pretty today babe!” Old me: “ ugh, I am so bloated and fat i’ve gained like 20 lbs” the new me knows that if he is saying that…(WAIT FOR IT….this is profound) he means it!!!!! He probably wants a piece of that 20 lbs of thick juicy hot momma! *wink*
So there you have it my 5 tips to helping you on your self love journey.
These are all things that I personally work on all the time. Some days I slip, I am pretty transparent about that on my IG. However, I treat everyday as a fresh start to try again. Give yourself some grace, make yourself a priority and remember that you and your beautiful body are worthy of love.
Do you already do some of these items or have any others that maybe I should try out? I would love to hear about them.